What lies at the bottom of your heart?

Its always been photography. I've always been pulled by this undeniable force to capture all of the perfect synchronicity continuously unfolding around us. Afraid I couldn't make my way as a photographer, unable to see the reality of this dream coming to life I kept it as a side. My mother is an artist, a beautiful translator of imagery. A true gift, she discovered at an early age to only develop further by time and practice. An amazing mother, she was able to raise us kids on our family farm as we grew up - while creating her artwork to fulfill her heart and contribute to our family. Reaching a point where her bucket was empty, her tank was dry she took a break from her artwork. I seen this, through childlike eyes to be something I never wanted to do. To devote my life's work to practicing what I loved the most only to deplete its profound joy, and have to switch my path. I wanted to keep my love, never to run it dry so I tried straying away from Photography as my main practice.

It was my second year at Alberta College of Art and Design, and time to apply for our majors. Photography was like this guilty pleasure, I was afraid to tap into knowing I would fall head over heals and never look back. I continued my design classes, as I thought that was the only way I could make it as an artist. To sell my visions and creations to companies that would use them to sell their product to consumers. So much of that idea, felt like a pit in my stomach. Tapping into this source of love through sculpture, and fine art drawing classes I was beginning to feel this urge to give into the wild freedom of capturing the truth for the sake of its beauty. I thought, I might as well put a portfolio together and apply for the Photography major. It was very competitive, I didn't feel I would have a shot but I had plenty of pieces that would fulfill the requirements. There was a pre submission review night where each applicant got to sit down and meet with the professors to gather their opinions on final pieces. I remember my heart singing in my throat, fluttering away like a butterfly who just burst from her cocoon. The perspective and compositions were so appreciated within my images, something so fun for me to capture - so second nature to see. My dream was coming to life, weather I was afraid or not. . . that spark was growing into a big flame - I wouldn't be able to put out. 

Fast forward 6 years later and that loud voice in my heart has mellowed into a softer pull. As the loud longing has been fulfilled, the heart of it continues to grow. Its been a journey of softening into the everyday pleasures and trusting that voice when it tells me to go this way instead of that. Through following these subtitles I've discovered the vast magic tucked into the seemingly ordinary. I feel this voice inside ourselves pulls us to what we need the most. Listening to that voice feels so energizing, liberating, and so right. As we’re treading through our stories and roles, its easy to stride past the underlying stillness and be swept up by our will to keep our head afloat. The most beautiful part of uncovering our truth is that each time we acknowledge ourselves, we settle deeper into our hearts, becoming the awareness of who we always were.

It may seem selfish, to fulfill our hearts true callings when we live in lives that give so much to others. I know for me, the more I honour myself the of me I have to share, and the more truly I receive the beauty thats already there. Sometimes its the little things that lead to the big things, like taking that afternoon nap you secretly longed for, to receive later a phone call that will lead to a full day of unexpected miracles you needed that energy for. Its like there is this un touchable life force looking out for us, leading us, guiding us to our most sincere interests. Its unconditional, forgiving and always there, I know for certain the more I listen to it - the happier I am. 

What does your heart desire? Big or small, simple or complex - it is all so right and so true. The time is worth taking, to honour you :) 

I think we all have something that pulls the soul and that we can give and contribute. Something that lights us up. And when we talk about it, you can often see the lights come on in people. We have to stop sometimes, and really listen to ourselves. Listen to the yearning in ourselves. Its talking to us.
— Sue Monk Kidd
Supple Symmetry : The ditches of a Saskatchewan summer rain, 2017. 

Supple Symmetry : The ditches of a Saskatchewan summer rain, 2017.